She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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