About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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