sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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