Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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