Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
