Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
