you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
