my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You have to summon your inner elephant
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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