she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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