EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
