Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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