i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
