he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
