She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Someone came in the potted fern
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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