Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
