I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
