apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
