i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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