I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
