hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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