yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
