I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
