if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
