took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
