Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she peed on how many people?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
