Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
