how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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