NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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