I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
