I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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