he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
