GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
