I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize