i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
