Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
