38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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