You can't motorboat a personality
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
