theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
