i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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