i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
