4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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