I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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