dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
