the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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