Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
is it fun? or sober?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
