wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
