my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
