you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
