We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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