I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
