worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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