I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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