Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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