yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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