i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
