Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
