I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
