If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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