she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
