M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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