ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
