allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize