i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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