just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
just come out here and I will go home with you...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
