Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
