i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
