Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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