If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
