she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
