I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
