It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
