end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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